1) Dentists take pleasure in shoving metal pointies in your mouth and ripping shit outta there while simultaneously chatting away about work and school and "oh, your sisters Blahblah? Maybe my daughter knows her!" meanwhile you're just sitting in there, staring up at a blinding light with your jaw being unhinged like those baddass snakes that can swallow whole pigs, only less badass and more painful.
2) Dentists always have creepy elephants or giraffes with gaping mouths showing very dull teeth and they say "see how good we cleaned Mr. Giraffes teeth?" Well congrats to you, you just became a veterinarian! Nobody wants a veterinarian working on your chompers...
3) Dentists get all the credit when in reality it's the nurses who work on you, cleaning your teeth and picking away at them for half an hour. Then the Dentist comes in, opens your mouth again and replies with a "Yep, all good here."
Spotlight Stealing Asswipe... >.>
4) They always expect you to have perfect teeth like them. So when you head on in to the office and they check out your chomp-chomps and yell "EGAD!!" and look at you with an expression of horror, well yeah! Why else would you be wasting your precious time sitting on a mildly comfy chair when you could be creating an army of cat clones and plotting Earths doom! Well, you less important folk might have less important things to do, but DAMMIT I WANT TO BE GOD!! Even just for a little while? But no, you have to watch some nurses fluster about like fishies-outta-water, trying desperately to clean your "filthy, mud-coated rotting teeth" to perfection. Wicked mental picture there, huh? ;D
5) It smells. Oh, how it smells like cleaning soap and floss. All perfectly done in white with their perfect kittens posing in perfectly impossible poses pictures. Cause really, kittens aren't cute 'lil angels. They're demon spawn from hell. Trust me, I know.... But here, in the Dentists PERFECT LITTLE WORLD, they are cute. And guess what! You are the lucky winner of one hour of looking up at the 'angel' kitties posters with a nifty pair of shades on! Lucky dog you...
I think the only good thing about Dentists is the free gum and toothpaste that they hand out with a big smile and a "Come again reeeeal soon!" And even though the gum is probably sugarless, tasteless and chewyless, you can proudly walk around with your brand spankin' new toothpaste sticking out of your pocket and the coconut whateverthefuq pineapple gum in your mouth and tell people you braved the Dentists. To which they'll reply with "Wow, all by yourself? You brave, strong man" (Woman, if you are a guy...) BOOM! Instant chick picker-upper! (Dude picker-upper for the ladies. I always think of a guy when I write these. Strange...)
Exactly how I feel...
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